On Command

Sermon

Last Friday was a day designated “Friendship Day.” That made me think about various friends that I’ve had, including one friend who cared for me on one of the most difficult days of my life. She showed her love not through words but through her actions. My husband, Daniel, was in his last hours of life. Though she had a busy work life, she arranged to be at our house all day and into the night, if needed. During the hours when I was upstairs, holding Daniel’s hand, she was in the kitchen making a big pot of soup and being sure that people got fed (including me). Our four kids were home with us, and this helped enormously. She did dishes, and she answered the phone and the door, all the while listening with care and reassuring with her presence. Her friendship in action was a saving grace.

I invite you now to think of friends that you have or have had in your life. What qualities define those friendships? I wonder if you can see something of Jesus’ love in friendship. Perhaps you’ve sometimes felt that the idea of loving Jesus is a bit abstract. If so, then think about a friendship and the love given freely. Jesus said, “You are my friends if you do what I command you. I do not call you servants any longer, because the servant does not know what the master is doing; but I have called you friends, because I have made known to you everything that I have heard from God…”

We are invited to be FRIENDS of God! Not servants, but chosen and beloved friends. What does that say about the nature of our God? What does it say about our own natures? Steadfast love, truth, tenderness, loyalty, giving of oneself for the other, honest acceptance, being seen and heard—these are all the gifts of friendship God extends to us and what Jesus puts into action. And these are all gifts we can extend to others. When we do that, we experience God with us.

One of the early church theologians, Gregory of Nyssa, wrote this:

“This is true perfection: not to avoid a wicked life because we fear punishment, like slaves; not to do good because we expect repayment, as if cashing in on the virtuous life by enforcing some business deal. On the contrary, disregarding all those good things which we do hope for and which God has promised us, we regard falling from God’s friendship as the only thing dreadful, and we consider becoming God’s friend the only thing truly worthwhile.”

This morning, we heard Ralph and Eileen discuss “Lova-chothers.” And I agree with them, that we can’t be commanded to feel love. But we can choose to befriend. When we live into true friendship, we broaden our capacity for compassion. When we act in authentic, self-giving love and friendship, we become God’s friends.

We know from reading the Gospels that some of Jesus’ friends failed the friendship test. Judas betrayed Jesus to the Romans for silver. Peter, though vowing his friendship and love repeatedly, also betrayed Jesus three times. The community of the Gospel of John was a persecuted community, not even accepted by other Christians until well into the fourth century. Living like refugees, they needed to stick together to survive, but unfortunately, they had a contentious split. For them, friendship boiled down to loyalty—loyalty necessary in a hostile world. The view of God and friendship in that community could be summed up in the title of the Gospel tune “He Never Failed Me Yet.”

As I thought of friendships this week, I was reminded of a time when I was in junior high. Martha kept telling me that I was her best friend. It made me feel good to hear that, though I did wonder at times what she was basing that on, as we had spent so little time together. But I was a new kid in the class, and I felt it was best to go with the flow. One day, as our class was lined up to have a bathroom break (boys on one side of the hall and girls on the other), I remember my shock when as I was coming out of the bathroom, Martha, with her back toward me, was speaking to two other girls. She said, “That Laurie Miller deserves everything that’s going to come toward her.” She said it in a menacing way. Clearly, what she saw coming wasn’t going to be good. Well, that was the end of that “friendship.” I didn’t notice anything bad happen to me, but I’ve often thought of her, especially when my sons were in middle school and high school, navigating the turbulent seas of friendship and social hierarchy. Friendship shown by deeds is stronger than friendship in words.

Sometimes we fail the friendship test. But God—our faithful, loving, and kind God—calls us back into relationship. That is the message of Jesus: Love one another, as I have loved you. The “other” that God calls us to love might even be someone who is a stranger to us, someone we may have overlooked or even feared.

Maybe you are in a situation where you do not have, or maybe never had, a loyal friend. What do we do then? Ralph Waldo Emerson wrote: “Wait, and thy heart shall speak. Wait until the necessary and everlasting overpowers you, until day and night avail themselves of your lips. The only reward of virtue, is virtue; the only way to have a friend is to be one.”

It’s been a strange time over the past year, with masks obscuring half of our faces and the need to keep physical distance from one another. I’ve noticed that at times, it’s felt like passing a stranger on the street has felt charged with suspicion. Parts of our lives that were once smooth have become edged with competition. For example, lap swimming in the public swimming pools requires a couple of layers of reservations. You call early in the morning (5 a.m.) to get a spot 24 hours ahead of time. Later, you stand in line to be let into the health club with 49 other people. It’s difficult to get away from the feeling of looking at these strangers in line simply as competition for the pool’s three lap lanes.

But one morning I was able to have a good conversation with a stranger in the lane next to me. She was listening to music by Earth, Wind & Fire as she did water exercise. Then, as I reached the end of my swim, I heard strains of the Beatles’ “Here Comes the Sun.” She explained to me that she is a nurse and that when a COVID-19 patient is released from the hospital, they play that song. Then followed a conversation in which I learned what some of her struggles had been over the past year. Our friendship-building time was a surprise, and it was helpful for us both. In the past, some pool friendships have become lifelong.

Poet Maya Angelou wrote that “A friend may be waiting behind a stranger’s face.”

How would your life be different this week if nurturing friendship was a valued task? What our world be like if we put friendship with God as our first priority and met each stranger as a friend?